“I Refuse to Sacrifice For You Then Resent You For It”

Famous words from Orson Bean to his children regarding money for college… this from a book I ordered called, "Live Well on Less Than You Think," in the chapter titled Education: Costs vs. Rewards.

He was interviewed many years ago on the Merv Griffin show (now long extinct) about paying for college tuitions for his four children. His reply was much more convoluted than this one sentence, but this was the substance of it. Years later, he was asked to explain his response to Merv during that interview. He summed it up with the one sentence.

Orson did come up with money for their education, and all 4 children got through. Later in his life, he was asked to explain that little quote and what it meant: "When I had the money, I gave it to them. I wasn't going to strap myself to a lifetime of sacrifice trying to pay off those huge bills. I gave my kids the memory of happy parents...I spent a lot of time with them (the family traveled extensively). On my 75th birthday, I took 20 members of my extended family down to the Caribbean, and stood out in the warm waters with a pina colada in one hand and a grandchild in the other. I wouldn't have been able to do that if I'd been worrying about saving for college or paying off those bills. "

His reasoning behind such a cavalier attitude to (now) so serious an issue was that he worked like a dog for the money, out of the sight and hearing of his children (until the final product aired for all to see), and was entitled to spend the money as he saw fit. When the children decided to attend college, he would come up with money—but he wasn’t going to strap himself to a lifetime of scrimping just to pay off bills he didn’t generate himself. Note that he didn’t say “the” money…just money, meaning he would contribute and not foot the entire bill.

With the plethora of loans, scholarships, and grants available, I have the feeling more and more of us will wind up choosing this route as we continue to down the path of reckless spending, suiting ourselves in the here and now without regard for the future. For those lucky enough to have swiftly-appreciating homes, the market-value slot machine will take care of the problem…no need for sacrifice on your part. (tongue in cheek)

Now I know that in today's economy and working world, competition for jobs is cutthroat, and an education is essential--employers pretty much scoff at anything below a Bachelor's--but if the child wants to go to school, shouldn't we at least give the opportunity to let him/her work for some of the money to better appreciate our sacrifices? And worse--what if they want to go into a low-paying field, but want an Ivy League education to do it with? The cost of tuition alone is more than this child would ever hope to make per year--what kind of payoff is that?

In light of the recent Social Security Reform dilemma, it looks like we may have yet another account to fund and worry over…along with our IRAs, our 401(k), our HSA/FSA plan, and whatever college savings plan we’re able to put together—not to mention rent/mortgage, food, utilities, car expenses, and dental/optical/veterinary bills. It’s all so much to try to balance with one paycheck (or one combined income) that something’s bound to fall off the plate. Some of us never had a plate big enough for all this to begin with!

Just as we ask our children to work for an allowance, perhaps we should ask them to work for this one as well—an education allowance—rather than just blithely handing money over. This is an investment just like any other you’d make, and you should demand results for your efforts. Planning and research have never been more critical than they are here in this area: make sure the purpose of a higher education has meaning and goals, then decide how to pursue them with a minimum of waste and overblown prestige.

Orson Bean also said that life insurance was “the negative side of a gamble,” and that’s a whole ‘nuther article altogether.