Annual Rerun for 2008: Why We Skip the Holidays All Together

Yep, Wenchypoo and Wenchmaster skip the holiday hullabaloo altogether and here’s why:

• We have no children to obligate us to participate.

• We have no friends or relatives that need impressing.

• We’re Atheist, but that doesn’t even matter. Most of what we consider “holidays” are actually Catholic railroad-equivalents to original Pagan holidays.

• Holidays have become excuses to consume, wildly distorting the original meaning for celebrating these particular events.

• Most holiday traditions have become rip-offs.

• We have cats that climb Christmas trees, steal turkey from the table, walk through the Easter egg dye, etc. On second thought, I guess we DO have kids…

• A lot of holiday stuff just gets thrown (wrapping) out or flushed down the toilet (food), and it costs money.

• What do you get people who already have everything, besides more of it? This is pointless and senseless.

• We “celebrate” all year round, so why are some particular calendar days so special? They aren’t.

Remember when holidays (originally Holy Days) meant something? Families used to gather together from far reaches of the country, perhaps attend some religious service or other, and have a nice meal afterward—the intent being to gather and share a meal.

What has happened since those good ol’ days? Everything. Mostly, businesses picked up the scent of profit, and followed it to the current conclusion.

Rather than participate in all this madness we call holidays, we just sit them out and focus on the days that are meaningful to us: birthdays and anniversaries (the big 24 is coming next week). Gift-giving in both our families has been boiled down from the frivolous to the practical, then to the spiritual. When we need what we need, we go out and get it instead of saving it up for some trumped-up “holiday.” What WE wait for is sales, not special reasons to buy.

My dad used to complain about how President’s Day and Veteran’s Day became excuses for stores to have white sales. “We fought for your freedom to go out and buy discounted bed sheets, by golly, starting with George Washington!”

The fact that we’re Atheist doesn’t really matter in this issue, because if we believed in a god, we’d pay homage and honor him every day, as a good believer would. Attending services once or twice a year doesn’t adequately pay homage for a true believer, I think.

As I’ve written before, when it comes to holiday food, especially whole turkeys, many of them are rip-offs. Hollow carcasses ridden with ice don’t make for a pretty picture at the register or for the cost per serving—especially when sold by the pound. Besides, turkey is cheap year-round—sometimes cheaper at any other time of year besides November. Obviously they freeze well, so why save up the turkey-buying for November?

The same holds true for lamb, ham, pumpkin pie, sweet potato pies and casserole, and all the other food rituals we save for special days.

To waste our time spending good money on things that nobody really needs or wants, or that aren’t really worth the money in the first place, is truly a waste that we no longer care to indulge in or afford. To have no real reason for indulging is another reason why we just sit them out and watch you guys go bananas over at the mall or over in the turkey aisle. My favorite is the fistfights that break out at WallyWorld over some heavily-marked-down electronic doodad or other, or the poor people who get trampled by the crowd gathered outside the stores at 4 a.m. when the doors suddenly open. I watch these disgusting displays of greed and hedonism from the comfort of my own home, and for some odd reason, these things make the evening news every year!

What you think is a discount to you is still someone else’s profit. Why give them the chance to profit, when you yourself could reap the rewards of re-thinking and scaling back? Screw social expectations and put yourself and your family first. Choose what means the most to you and go with it.

As for me, I’m going to “hell” (if you believe in it) with a fistful of pumpkin pie and a smile on my face, regardless of time of year. If you care to join me, do bring some whipped cream. Satan asks if anyone’s bringing a covered dish. :)