Discount Membership at the Clean Plate Club

Our mothers indoctrinated us into it. Society tells us we shouldn’t belong. For those of you who are still diehard members (like me), here’s how to maximize your lifetime memberships:

1. Use smaller plates

2. Be extra choosy about what goes on the plates

A recent Penn State research study into comparing weight loss vs. caloric intake revealed that there are two effective ways to make calorie counting and/or portion sizes work to lose weight—but the two strategies combined produced the most sustainable long-term weight loss.

When a group of study subjects used normal-sized plates and loaded them with a 2/3 size portion of what they would normally eat in a meal. These test subjects were then moved to smaller plates with the same size portions, giving them the appearance of fuller plates.

Another group of study subjects used normal-sized plates, but loaded them normal-sized portions of less-calorically-dense foods, such as fruits and vegetables.

This study also included a third group component—those who both used smaller plates AND filled them with less dense foods.

All groups consumed fewer calories and had long-term potential for weight loss if the test regimens were maintained for long periods of time. The third group had the most weight loss and the best weight loss sustainability of all the study groups.

About the discount membership to the Clean Plate Club: discount your portions by 1/3, or learn to load your plate with less calorically-dense foods. The discount comes in the form of calories consumed, and it will work in your favor over the long term for weight loss sustainability and improved health—now there’s evidence to prove it.

Join me in raising your fork and shouting the club motto: SALADS RULE!

John Stossel: Myth Buster Extraordinaire

I spent an hour watching him on 20/20 last night (Friday), and he exposed the really awful truth behind a lot of myths that we hold as sacred truths passed down through generations, as well as some more modern "truths" learned more from screaming victimization (such as price gouging at the pumps).

Here is the Amazon link to his book if you're interested: http://tinyurl.com/h8ce7

I like John Stossel, because he isn't afraid to go out and get dirty in pursuit of the truth, unlike many journalists today. Today's journalist is mostly a lean-out-the-window-and-write-what-you-see type of reporter, and so many decry the lack of funds to go to where a story is--stories are everywhere if you possess the imagination to go looking for them. Too many reporters sit back and let AP and Reuters fax stuff to them, but not John.

I wonder (jokingly, of course) when he will get to join the MythBuster set with Adam and Jamie--it would save them a whole lot of work.

The Aisle of Deception

First, allow me to state that Tom Hanks has nothing to do with this production.

Second, I shall describe for you how I found this lonely place, and how it lures (and continues to lure) unsuspecting shoppers into its financially-deadly arms.

Once while making a shopping foray through a local grocery store in search of a specific item nobody else carried, I found it—the last aisle marked “What One Dollar Buys You.” I couldn’t believe it—an entire row (1/2 an aisle) dedicated to nothing but $1 bargains!

As I steered the cart in that direction, I dragged out my calculator.

As I got closer to the products, I was able to peruse labels carefully. What I found wasn’t the next mother lode of bargains to be had from a hidden-in-plain-sight place, but a huge “man trap” of deceptive bargains all under the banner of $1 buys.

There were loads of products from all areas of the store to be found in that one aisle—actual food items, laundry supplies, school supplies, health and beauty items, kitchen tools and hardware, pet supplies—basically a mini version of a dollar store--and all were suspiciously far away from their regular departments.

When I actually took an item and held it in my hands for closer examination, I then learned the dirty secret—size. These items were smaller than their normal-priced counterparts—fewer ounces, rolls, sheets, etc.—which told me that the price per unit would be sky-high when compared to the same type of product elsewhere in the store.

For someone uneducated in the basics of Frugality 101, this place would seem a godsend—but to me, it was nothing more than a huge man-trap set by clever grocery store mice.

Not having the time to compare every single item in the aisle with its normally-priced and normally-stocked counterpart, I just focused on a couple of tempting items. After wheeling the cart over to the proper departments for continuing my investigation, I found I was indeed right—these particular items were cheaper by unit price in their home departments than on Deception Aisle.

Sorry, Tom Hanks—no rescue for you (or any of your $1 buddies) today.

Readers: watch out for your Aisles of Deception coming to local grocery stores near you.

Immigration Nation Sensation

If you’re anything like me, you’re sick from the bellyful of “illegal alien” talk all over the airwaves and cyberspace. It’s really bad when all the news channels cover it wall-to-wall all at the same time—there’s no escape!

Here’s my one and only two cents about the subject matter, just to clear my own head: we truly cannot live without immigrants in this country, legal or not. Why? Because we won’t get dirty, break a sweat, or break a nail doing work for money.

People who come over our southern border do so because the effort is LUCRATIVE for them. Even at minimum wage, they make more here in a day than they would in a week back home. The benefits of working here include freedom of expression, freedom of choice, freedom of religion, and all the other freedoms included in the Bill of Rights, instead of the usual medical, dental, and vision plans. Their needs aren’t much, and they provide much more into our economy than they take out.

We worry about outsourcing and offshoring of jobs—this is business’s solution to cheaper labor without going outside the country.

What should make us all sit up and take notice is the fact that these people, in spite of making a mere $20k annually, manage to send HALF of it home to their families while supporting themselves here. If they can live on $10k a year, why can’t we? I’ll tell you why: comfort level.

Since we don’t care to sweat, get dirty, or break nails, we go to college to ensure we don’t end up working in some hole somewhere for minimum wage. This leaves the whole bottom rung of our society wide open for the taking, since there aren’t many of us ( in percentage of workforce numbers) to do these jobs—not even our teenagers work summer jobs any more! Let’s face it—someone has to take our order, change our hotel sheets, rake our estate-sized yard leaves, and clean our offices after hours, and it ain’t us (or our kids) doing it. Waitressing is about as dirty as we choose to get, and darned few of us are doing it—too much “on your feet” time and direct customer interaction for our likes.

We prefer the white-collar, sit-down, 9-5, cubicle-partitioned, air conditioned, pushbutton jobs instead. No sweat, no dirt, and no nail breakage there. But while we’re reveling in this semi-sterile work environment, we’re forgetting about the largely-unseen support staff that readies our office buildings, readies our children for school, readies our yards, our cars, and our lives for the next day.

Legal status is just a technicality for tax purposes. None of us are legal according to the Native Americans.

The absence of these people from the workforce for even one day caused upset all across this country—from minor-but-fillable scheduling problems to whole businesses shutting down. Chicago seemed to fare the worst, while California barely batted an eye.

Before you make up your mind on this issue and cast a vote on it, think about whether or not you or your children would be willing to step into the hole made by deporting the people who do those most-unpleasant jobs you DON’T do now. Could you and your family live on minimum wage, and for how long? How many ditches would you dig, how many toilets would you scrub, and how many privileged children's noses would you wipe for peanuts just to feed your family?

There has to be a "have not" for us to compare ourselves to, and they serve that niche well. I say let them have it. At the rate society moves up the economic ladder, they won't be there long before some other group comes in and takes over.

Frugality as Secular Religion?

To be frugal is a virtue, for sure. Being frugal is something done over and over again—the technical definition for “religious.” Faith is placed in how far one can stretch the almighty dollar to make ends meet.

The only thing we’re missing here is a special building for weekly meetings, a special book for reference to the lifestyle, and a “head of state”—oh but wait! We have supermarkets and grocery stores, our price books, and Gary Foreman of the Dollar Stretcher. We also have our own Dacyczyn Code instead of a DaVinci Code.

Strange how things can seem so similar when you turn them on their heads.

Instead of contributing to a collection plate, we use coupons at the register. Holy water is tap water in a refilled sports drink bottle. Sacred frocks are those special finds at the yard sales and thrift stores that looked good, were in excellent condition, and were worth the price. Our Latin is in English and involves a lot of measurement breakdowns, unit pricing, and knowing the best cuts of meat for the money.

Instead of (or as well as) praying at the dinner table, we also “pray” at the stove and sink—cooking from scratch and washing dishes by hand (if feasible). We “confess” in our pantries instead of a special booth—bulk macaroni and oatmeal tend to dish out easier punishment than a real confessor.

Frugality, like ordinary religion, also tends to make us feel more superior to others. The wailing cry of those who can’t live below their means is the fuel that keeps us going, lest we fall and join them. Heaven forbid we should fall to the depths of reliance on public assistance—that would be the secular equivalent of going to hell!

Never mind asking what Jesus would do—the question we ask ourselves is, “What else can I do instead?” Frugality is part of a larger picture in Virtue Land, and that is the picture of self-reliance. Like regular religion, it eases the burden (mental instead of spiritual)—who wants to be worried all the time, especially about money?

As you re-trace sandaled steps carrying your cross, remember this image: we are with you, whether truly religious or not. Some of us shed our crosses already, and are constantly in “cross defense” mode (cross = debt). All in all, we both live lives of relief and ease with ourselves and our bounty.

There is one difference I cannot seem to work out: special days for special activities, such as Palm Sunday, Easter, Christmas, and other such “holy” days. We don’t need special days for being frugal—we do it 24/7. The closest I can come is Sundays and Wednesdays for loss-leader sales. I’ll leave you the reader to figure that one out.